WHAT IS YOUR GENDER?
A random blog on a really touchy subject - COULD I BE A NON-GENDER ALIEN BEING?
So for awhile, I've been taking online surveys for pennies, gives me enough for beer and candy.
During the initial questions, it always asks WHAT IS YOUR GENDER?
Simple question right?
You'd be wrong if you answered YES!! I KNOW WHAT MY GENDER IS!!!
Do you?
Really?
Over the years I've had to fill out forms and such for different things and back in the day, it was an easy decision ---
[ ] MALE
[ ] FEMALE
Easy right?
Outie.
Innie.
Then as a confusing point to the whole "WHAT IS YOUR GENDER?" the [ ] OTHER box appeared.
Other??
"What the hell? Other? Does that mean they have their penis in their butt?" as my father would say looking at the question.
I had no answer as I checked male.
Then as the years moved on, the other was replaced with a multiple range of answers from non-binary fluid to I'm a kangaroo.
I've been told, quite angrily, "People evolve, drift away from stereotypes of male or female, an oppressive definition limiting humanity to what they were born as based on body parts!! Stop being such an old fashion enabler to an ancient system, CHANGE!!"
I then slap the person; call them a pig f*cker and wander off for ice cream.
No matter the issue, the ice cream will solve it!!
"Unless you're lactose intolerant!! ENABLER!!"
I think I'll go take a nap!! Wake me up when we hit [ ] I HAVE NO CLUE, GIMME ICE CREAM!!
Showing posts with label analyst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label analyst. Show all posts
Friday, September 14, 2018
Monday, January 29, 2018
SUPER BOWL LII --- a drunken blogger explains it all!!! UNAUTHORIZED BY THE NFL!!!!
Two teams - The New England Patriots and The Philadelphia Eagles - will meet on the battle field of U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota; land of the Vikings, on February 4th, 2018 to decide the fate of the Universe.
Or who has the most deflated balls and/or referees on their side. (Patriots up by 10 in that arena!!! Sorry Eagles fans, maybe next year!!!!)
Commercials will be aired; bets will be made on who will win the coin toss and at the end, we will discover who can run a ball into the end zone more than the other guy!
I use to get into the fooseball; mostly on how many beers I could drink before my date stormed off in disgust at my drunken actions at the bar.
Nowadays, I just get drunk and watch the test patterns on channel 3 and ask random people at work; "Did you see that game yesterday? Holeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy sheep shit!!!"
And 99.9 percent of the time they'll nod in agreement cause WHAT A GAME!!!!!
Tonight on
We delve into both teams; their history, their plays, their chances at winning this bowl and most importantly we kill about 2 hours because we just can't sleep!!
(Tummy ache!!!)
First we look at ----
THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES --- The history of as deciphered by a lone male in his jammies at 12:16 AM ---
As any good reporter, I hit the Eagles website, looking for a condensed history of the team and discovering 6 pages of ten thousand articles per page from everything from best place kickers of all time to the ugliest cheerleaders of all time.
I decided it wasn't worth my effort to delve into too deep for this article/analyst of the BIG GAME so in true MY AWESOME fashion, I decided to make shit up and hope most people will skip through this part in hopes to find out who to bet on.
(For those looking for the Phildelphia Eagles' cheerleaders, you can click ----> HERE! )
(For those looking for NUDE PHOTOS OF CHEERLEADERS -- go to Google.com image search and type in 'MY MOM NAKED' Enjoy!!!)
HISTORY STOLEN AND BASTARDIZED FROM HERE
It all began in 1933; the Philadelphia Eagles were born; screaming into the world in their short pants and no helmets, they fumbled and stumbled onto the field.
"We are Eagles! Hear us roar!!" was their motto and confused fans everywhere went, "Da fuck?"
During World War Two, The Eagles merged with the Pittsburgh Steelers due to a shortage of players and became the Baltimore Ravens, but after the war, the two teams un-merged and soon there was the Philadelphia Eagles we know and love today!!
Their fight song is ABBA - Dancing Queen as performed by the Fargo, North Dakota School for Asthmatic Girl Scouts!! (Don't believe me! GOOGLE IT!!! See???)
Their mascot is Hank D. Eagle who still caws out; "WE ARE THE EAGLES! HEAR US ROAR!" And the crowd, doing some sort of drunken dance screams out, "DA FUCK?"
Now we move onto the ------
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS --- it's 12:39 in the morning and the same guy is blogging!! Amazing right?
History bastardized from HERE
Professional football arrived in New England on November 16th, 1959 when several businessman tried to get a professional hockey team into the area but instead; FOOTBALL became a legend or a dull yellow stain on the bed sheets of the Hotel No Tell Holiday Inn.
Their mascot is a Drew The Drunken Seaman and their fight song is WE GOT A RASH ON OUR FANNY.
Would we make this stuff up?
Of course not!!!
Both teams records are 13 wins - 3 loses and 48 pending felony trials.
HISTORY OF THE SUPER BOWL -
Super Bowl One - played on January 15, 1967 - was played on the home world of Gargon 7 in Quadrant Twelve of Universe 8.
Spiderman was the quarterback for Earth. While Ultraman took the role to see who was the true ruler of the universe.
It was named after Vince Lombardi's toilet and the name just stuck!!!!
WHO WILL WIN THIS YEAR'S BOWL?
Bud Light!!!
23 to 35!
And now you know, THE REST OF THE STORY!! Good night and have a better tomorrow!!
Or who has the most deflated balls and/or referees on their side. (Patriots up by 10 in that arena!!! Sorry Eagles fans, maybe next year!!!!)
Commercials will be aired; bets will be made on who will win the coin toss and at the end, we will discover who can run a ball into the end zone more than the other guy!
I use to get into the fooseball; mostly on how many beers I could drink before my date stormed off in disgust at my drunken actions at the bar.
Nowadays, I just get drunk and watch the test patterns on channel 3 and ask random people at work; "Did you see that game yesterday? Holeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy sheep shit!!!"
And 99.9 percent of the time they'll nod in agreement cause WHAT A GAME!!!!!
Tonight on
DRUNKEN BLOGGER EXPLAINS IT ALL - OR NOTHING AT ALL!!
(Tummy ache!!!)
First we look at ----
THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES --- The history of as deciphered by a lone male in his jammies at 12:16 AM ---
As any good reporter, I hit the Eagles website, looking for a condensed history of the team and discovering 6 pages of ten thousand articles per page from everything from best place kickers of all time to the ugliest cheerleaders of all time.
I decided it wasn't worth my effort to delve into too deep for this article/analyst of the BIG GAME so in true MY AWESOME fashion, I decided to make shit up and hope most people will skip through this part in hopes to find out who to bet on.
(For those looking for the Phildelphia Eagles' cheerleaders, you can click ----> HERE! )
(For those looking for NUDE PHOTOS OF CHEERLEADERS -- go to Google.com image search and type in 'MY MOM NAKED' Enjoy!!!)
HISTORY STOLEN AND BASTARDIZED FROM HERE
It all began in 1933; the Philadelphia Eagles were born; screaming into the world in their short pants and no helmets, they fumbled and stumbled onto the field.
"We are Eagles! Hear us roar!!" was their motto and confused fans everywhere went, "Da fuck?"
During World War Two, The Eagles merged with the Pittsburgh Steelers due to a shortage of players and became the Baltimore Ravens, but after the war, the two teams un-merged and soon there was the Philadelphia Eagles we know and love today!!
Their fight song is ABBA - Dancing Queen as performed by the Fargo, North Dakota School for Asthmatic Girl Scouts!! (Don't believe me! GOOGLE IT!!! See???)
Their mascot is Hank D. Eagle who still caws out; "WE ARE THE EAGLES! HEAR US ROAR!" And the crowd, doing some sort of drunken dance screams out, "DA FUCK?"
BUDDY'S WATCHING YOU - DA RAP (1988)
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS --- it's 12:39 in the morning and the same guy is blogging!! Amazing right?
History bastardized from HERE
Professional football arrived in New England on November 16th, 1959 when several businessman tried to get a professional hockey team into the area but instead; FOOTBALL became a legend or a dull yellow stain on the bed sheets of the Hotel No Tell Holiday Inn.
Their mascot is a Drew The Drunken Seaman and their fight song is WE GOT A RASH ON OUR FANNY.
Would we make this stuff up?
Of course not!!!
Both teams records are 13 wins - 3 loses and 48 pending felony trials.
HISTORY OF THE SUPER BOWL -
Super Bowl One - played on January 15, 1967 - was played on the home world of Gargon 7 in Quadrant Twelve of Universe 8.
Spiderman was the quarterback for Earth. While Ultraman took the role to see who was the true ruler of the universe.
It was named after Vince Lombardi's toilet and the name just stuck!!!!
WHO WILL WIN THIS YEAR'S BOWL?
Bud Light!!!
23 to 35!
And now you know, THE REST OF THE STORY!! Good night and have a better tomorrow!!
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