Read in wonderment at the life of a demented writer. Read as he wanders the world pondering his mind and his belly button. Is that Jimmy Hoffa's body?
Sad? You bet!!!!
Note to self: every night, I try to settle down and write a few words, to clear the mind and then, I hit publish, just so the world knows to stay away from me as I am slowly going insane since 1971.
My mind began to wander away as soon as I cleared the womb and has been gaining speed in that runaway since seeing the edge of daylight!
So here I sit, in a comfy chair, the TV playing, I don't know what I will write tonight, my mind comes closer to me, wanting to think and make me wonder where I am going from here.
Possibly New Jersey.
So here I go, to write!
AN ODE TO A WAR LONG DONE FOUGHT - A POEM
There in the silence of night,
I swore that I could see the devil's eyes gazing into my soul,
So these lists; best places to eat, best places to find love, etc. seemingly get the views when it comes to blogging so in an attempt to garner more views for this blog and maybe make a nickel or ten, I have decided to write my own top ten lists!!
This time, the blog will be called
10 BEST PLACES TO DIE HAPPY! (Or not!!!)
And for some listening pleasure, Talking Heads - Psycho Killer because why the hell not, so sit back, put your feet up and enjoy the read.
Next time, we'll have the 10 best comic books to bring into a men's restroom in Cleveland, Ohio!!!
The criteria for this was based on many scales ----
1. Was it able to be Googled by the blogger at the time of the writing of this article. If so, could Blogger remember how to spell it?
2. Would it be funny in reference to death as a humorous topic? If so, it made the list!
3. Was it featured on a 60 minutes segment for such a thing as having horrible nursing homes, etc? If so, HELLO LIST!!!
So here you go!!!!
---1--- Centralia PA : A coal fire has been burning underground since at least the early 1960s!! What says, "HELLO!! I'M READY TO DIE!!" than a coal fire. The town has been almost completely abandoned so no need to worry about over crowding.
---2--- Rachel NV: Aliens!!! Area 51!!! What more do I have to say! If you don't die from a laser rifler then you can be abducted and brought aboard the mother ship. Won't your mother be so f*ckin happy!??
According to their website, the gas station is closed and the nearest one is about 50 miles south. Plan accordingly!
---3--- Cincinnati OH: Okay, first off, Cleveland rocks but Cinncy is where it is at, there's an abandoned subway system that was planned over a 100 years ago but never used, where, if you lucky, you could crawl into and die!!!
There's also a zoo! Win - Win!! Also, go to Cleveland and tell em I sent you for 50 cents off a burrito!!
---4--- Butte MT: First off, I must disclose that the blogger is from this fine town, so when it is time for him to die, he will make his way back here to take his last breath and his final words being, "Wha?"
You can also come check out a huge open pit that is filling with toxic water!! Best lake ever!!!!
---5--- Niagara Falls NY: Wanna go over the falls in a barrel? Who doesn't!! Come on, go old school and die in a barrel!!!!
DO IT YOUR WAY!!!! Growl like Sid Vicious!!!!! Or not!!!!!
---6--- Any Podunk Town USA: Does it have a liquor store and a Walmart? You have found paradise, may you live forever in this wonderment that is Heaven!!
What? Don't believe me? DIE NOW!!!!
---7--- Paris TX : If you can't make it to Paris, France, there's always Paris, Texas (along with other cities in the U.S. named Paris!!!) There's even a replica of the Eiffel Tower!! Enjoy your death without leaving the country!!!
Now for some interlude music - RAMONES - I WANNA BE SEDATED!!!!!
---8--- Truth or Consequences NM : Ever wanted to die in a town renamed for a popular radio show in the 1950s? Who hasn't!! Tell them The Shadow sent you to be ran out of town by angry town folks!!!
They also have some hot springs.
---9--- Trenton NJ: What list wouldn't be complete without Trenton. Smell the magic should be their motto as well as "So ya wanna die? Come to Trenton!! We got you covered!!" Tell them you think they have pretty eyes and get a free drink of your choice!!
---10--- Fresno CA: And coming in at number 10, the city that needs no introduction as it has been on many a fine lists, FRESNO CALIFORNIA, home of the famous news agency THE LESBIAN LUNCH and the fine toy maker company, RASBO!!
People of Fresno will welcome you with open arms and a bottle of Jack Daniel.
No wait, that's a different city in Kentucky!!! But still, Fresno is a good place to go to die!!!
So there you have it, the top ten places to die happy. Or not.